Ever felt love welling up inside. So much love that you start feeling compassion for even people who say nasty things to you. I was telling motu the other day that how it is so easy to love a child. One can just shower love on them, adore them and they never find it out of place. They are so matter of fact about it. But the same is not true for adults. No matter what the expectation for reciprocation comes in. And of course, it is not possible to show affection unless the person allows it. And also there is this whole thing about living a lie. It is so difficult to figure out if one is dealing with a real person. People seem to be caught up in role play. Ever known what it feels not to be part of the drama.

Birthday present and something else

They woke me up with cake in their hands and gleeful smiles on their faces. It took me a little time to come to senses and realise that my birthday had kicked in. I smiled back, cut the cake, and did not complain when some cake was smeared on my face. When we laid down in our beds to get back to sleep, one girl asked how was my birthday usually spent back home. I told her it is usually dinner with family and friends. Then I remembered and said, there is one more thing, it always rains on my birthday. When I woke up in the morning it was raining, just like it does in Mumbai. Not before my birthday and not since has it rained similarly here. Once the weather was worse but it did not rain the same. I went out to buy something and my trouser was drenched. At the most clothes become damp here in rain but never drenched.

I wanted to buy Totto-Chan for someone here. So I wrote to a book shop asking them if they had it in stock, and if not, would they order it for me. To my surprise I got a prompt reply, telling me they could, but it will take a couple of weeks, should they order it for me. I wrote back saying I don't have much time (no am not dying), I will be leaving the city by end of this month, so if it comes later it can be part of their collection. To my utter surprise again, the person wrote back saying they have ordered it and in case I can't pick it up they will stock it, cause just like I said they think it is a wonderful book and wished me luck for the future. In the world of updates, likes and being busy someone has actually communicated with me beyond the minimum needed.

Presents from the heavens and personal communication from a stranger. Chalo thodasa roomani ho jaye.

"Having eyes, but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having
minds, but not perceiving truth; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster."

--From 'Totto-chan: the little girl at the window' by Tetsuko Kuroyanagi

Being busy seems to have become something like being in love. How actually being in love is more about being in love with the idea of being in love. Similarly, more than being actually busy people seem to be busy cause they think they are busy.

Hope that was not confusing.

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
Is this how each life begins
With the promise of new, unknown
To be broken each moment
When life is more than mere existence
A tiny speck of remembrance
Wonders if all this has been before
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
The speck, it grows