I have found wings and I am flying high.
Bird’s eye view has a new meaning now.
Flying yet grounded at the same time
Grinning ear to ear
Oh God is this for real.

Haan toh 18th ka meet pakka kya. Sab log aane ka.

Ganju bhai ne bol diya hai toh bol diya hai.
Bhaar waalon ko bole toh woh jo Bambai ke bhaar rehte hai, unko maaf hai.
kya hai ke kaam Kaaj chod ke kidhar aayenge na bhatakne ko Bambai mein.
Waise toh apne bhai bot samajhdar aur bade dil ke hai,
lekin Bambai ki public nai aayi na toh baja dalenge sabki.

Badme bolne ka nai vaarning nai diya tha.

Horny Tail

Startling news that will leave everybody startled at least it left me startled. When I stopped being startled I thought of spreading the news as far as possible. Spreading news and gossiping are two different things. The authenticity of this news is not questionable as it comes from the reliable source called my brain.

As believed Nigar Khan was not deported back to Norway because her visa had expired but because Bipasha had wanted to. Now the question is what did Ms. Basu have to do with Ms. Khan. Bips baby is the reigning queen of horny expression. Stories, cast, directors, seasons, government and boyfriends can change but Ms. Basu’s expression remains constant. Now this kind of consistent performance is possible only through hard work. How could a wannabe from Norway come and try to usurp Ms. Basu’s position.

Smart babe (oink) that Ms. Basu is she complained to the Concerned Authorities (CA) about Ms. Khan’s copying habits. They assured her that action will be taken against the culprit and she can continue to reign. Well Ms. Khan is not the one to be easily unnerved; with her husband Mr. Sahil Khan supporting her she made a complaint against Ms. Basu. Her complaint stated that she is not a copycat she was born with a horny expression unlike some who have to work hard to master it.

The authorities were now actually concerned who do they take action against. A junior CA had a brilliant idea he suggested that they watch both the “Stars” videos and then decide who is better and who gets to rule as the horniest of them all. It took them 2 days to finish watching Ms. Basu’s renowned work. The 3rd day they started with Ms. Khan’s video’s, in mid session 3 (including the junior CA with the brilliant ideas) of the 6 CA’s complained of upset stomach as they could not digest the fact that Ms. Khan could come up with such brilliant and mind blowing work and at the same time maintain a horny expression. They had to be hospitalised where they are recuperating. It was an unanimous decision by the Concerned Authorities (CA) both well and unwell that Ms. Nigar Khan should be deported back to wherever she came from as her work though brilliant would be hazardous to the our country’s digestive system.

Now that the real story is out please do not judge Ms. Basu on this incident, she is still the best among them.

The pre-historic humans must have really and I mean really pissed off God, for her to give every post-historic human some relatives.

At 7.10 (a little late than usual) in the morning today went down for a walk, there was this school bus loaded with gleeful kids in front of my building. It couldn’t move as a car was blocking its way and the bus driver was busy in turns honking and asking the car whom it belonged to. It belonged to my next door neighbour. Since I am a socially responsible person and didn’t want the kids to get late for school I went upstairs and told my neighbour that the car needs to be moved. Then I went down again and told the bus helper that the owner of the car is coming down and turned to start walking. At that moment two dudes jogged past me, unbelievable and unacceptable two dudes in my colony and I have never seen them. I made a mental note to change my morning walk time from 6.30 am to 7.15 am.

Everything is Arranged

I had to do an article on arranged marriages for my office website. I have been thinking of doing it for sometime now, but once I got down to work I just couldn’t write anything. There was so much in my mind but I couldn’t put words to my thoughts, I wondered why. Then I realised it is a kind of a topic where I can state my opinion and not just give some facts like in the year 1700 BC Indians decided to arrange marriages, before that marriages were arranged too but in that particular century it was a conscious decision. It’s like nobody knows why marriages are arranged by parents or elders, why not just like the other animals on planet earth once human kids grow up they are free to go around and mark their territory.

But I guess I just know the reason why it is different for us humans. We are such crazy species with all these traditions and regulations we still do not behave ourselves, think what it would be like if we were on par with the other animals. The other poor species would have prayed to whatever supreme power they pray to for another planet far away from Earth.

What’s all the hoopla about marriage in the first place? If you are the kind who is not scared of commitment then arranged or love marriage you are going to work at it. And if you are the types who gets a cold feet by just thinking about commitment and all you seek is the initial euphoria that one feels when one is attracted to somebody, then boss love will very soon fly out of the window whether you are married or not. So it boils down to this arranged or love it works if you want it to work.

And what makes us think that we are making the choice to marry someone if it’s a love marriage and vice versa if it’s arranged. Somebody somewhere has written a script for us and has decided the cast too and then sent us down here to just playact. So whether we meet our life partner through parents, friends, matrimonial, in a pub, in the office, on a bus stop, in an elevator, however and wherever, somebody has arranged this meeting. So stop thinking too much, if you wanna get married go ahead do it, if you don’t then please do not even for your parents or society or any other such silly reasons.

Either ways it should be bliss.

The latest Airtel ad campaign got me thinking about all the Airtel ads. As far as I remember all of them have been able to touch a chord with the audience airtel users or not.

The one I very clearly remember is the one with A R Rahman, where he is trying to make a cranky kid feel good by playing ‘harmonica’. He then calls his recordist and plays the tune, he says its nice, want to add something more? He meets some musicians one playing a flute another some kind of a drum, then he passes by a concert. All the while he transmits the music to the recording studios through airtel. I don’t think music has ever been used so beautifully in an ad Campaign.

Another one was the game thing with Sachin and Shahrukh, not something I would care for, but cannot over look the fact that lots of research must have backed the decision to make this ad. What with movies and cricket being nothing less than religion in India.

Or the campaign before the latest one, where a phone rings and everybody around checks to see if it’s theirs. But in each one of the ads in this series, it’s always somebody who is not expected to own a phone that gets the call. Says a lot for our economy in general and also drives home the point that airtel is so affordable anybody can use it.

I do not remember all of their ads, but the latest one is my favourite. Their campaigns have always been people centric but this one takes the cake. ‘Dil ki baat zubaan par laakar toh dekho’. How simple is that. Have always loved the Hutch campaign too, but don’t seem to have watched any lately. Watching TV is sometimes interesting thanks to such campaigns.

Seven Colours

Hurray! I am off the tag. :-) Anks this is for u.

Seven Things you want to do before you die:
Learn to ride a bicycle
Travel to places less known
Find love and then not lose it
Become a mother
Learn to swim
Learn to jive
Just chill chill just chill


Seven Things you can do:
I can laugh
I can cry
I can eat
I can sleep
In spite of being literate I can do a thumb impression
I can be a friend
I can daydream and daydream and daydream, it just doesn’t end


Seven Things you say most:
Pakao
Yeah Sure
Shady
What’s wrong with me!
You are dead
Are u for real?
You are being ignored


Seven Things you can't do:
Cannot ride a bicycle
Cannot play games (aint talking abt. Sports here)
Cannot love maths and cockroaches
Cannot hate
Cannot stay angry for long
Cannot stop asking rhetoric questions
Cannot swim


Seven Things that attract you to the opposite sex:
Honesty
Smile
Attitude
Intelligence
Ability to laugh at self
(this is difficult, I give up)


Seven Celebrity crushes:
Amitabh Bachchan
Val Kilmer
Chetan Bhagat
(seven is too much)

Blessed is how I feel.

Showing off your new car or cell phone, designer clothes, designer apartments is passé. The new trend is to show off the perfect child, so if you have conceived a child and the doctor tells you the child might have an extra thumb or a deformity like hare lip then what you do is get it aborted. The news made me sick but did not upset me very much. The reason is I am absolutely sure that for every one of such freak couple there must be 100 couples out there who bring a child in this world for love.

Great are those people who find the courage and affection to love and care for kids with physical or mental disability. Parents for whom their child is the first priority and everything else is incidental. I thank God for surrounding me with people who love me in spite of my imperfections.

Bliss

Slept like a log in the afternoon today. Woke up with a heavy head, felt like a cup of tea, made tea but then didn’t feel like drinking it. Went down to the garden with the big swing, hallelujah, the swing was not occupied.

From where I was swinging could see a beautiful crescent moon in the sky and the Sun wasn’t even close to setting. Two small kids came to the garden first they went and sat on the bench, and then slowly the girl approached the swing and made herself comfortable. Her brother followed her, he wouldn’t sit next to me asked his sister to shift and sat in the corner. I thought wait till you grow up boy and all you will want is a reason to sit besides girls. I started swinging a little hard for the kids.

Looked at the sky again noticed a lone star a little far away from the moon. They looked close to me, but they must be so far away on the vast sky. If I had a celestial pencil I could have drawn a straight line between them, a road for them to travel and meet midway. It was a foggy sky, the only thing visible was the crescent moon and the star both beautiful both alone.

I felt a sting on my left wrist I looked it was a mosquito. I hit it with my other hand, the little girl who had been observing me all the time thought I had clapped and she clapped too. Very rarely do I come across such innocence these days, even among kids. When I was a kid innocence wasn’t a rare commodity, I don’t know about the adult world but in my small world it wasn’t. My world has changed change is the only constant. Life is a paradox.

I make no sense

Men have suddenly started looking fair and handsome, thanks to e-mami (enabled Mami) fairness cream. The pledge that we read in school something that went ‘I love my country, all Indians are brothers and sisters, every citizen is equal and blah blah blah…………. has finally been proved right. Men and Women are now equal in the real sense in India both have their own fairness cream. Now that my brethren have their own fairness cream they can come out of the closet and even if they don’t drink Coca-cola, they can live sar uthake.

I have gone crazy so I asked Dim if I have stopped making sense. He gave me that look which he gives me whenever I torture him beyond his endurance. About his endurance the little I say the better. So the look, it’s a hard, pitiful, scornful, I want to kick your butt and also slap you, is this really happening, can somebody please take her away…….. all in one look. Dim has mastered this look thanks to me. Finally he said, what is it that you want from me sir? Why do you keep asking such questions?

I asked Maxi the same question, he said I will tell you one thing, you have never made sense. That reassured me. Didn’t bother to ask Kathy, he is not at his insulting best, he is physically present here, but his mind is in Goa.

Today Ganju is back, thot will ask her. But she looks completely disoriented. This happens with Mumbaites all the time, they leave the city for a couple of days and when they are back the chaos just engulfs them and they go around with that dizzy look in their eyes for days.

It’s great to make no sense when everything around you makes so much sense. I know that did not make sense.